Still Low

I have been given a fiftieth birthday invitation. I'm thrilled that somebody still thinks of me. Usually no girlfriends get in touch unless they want something like, to store things in my shed, or to 'fish' for information to gauge if I'm still seeing my ex-boyfriend. I like to be alone.
Today I'm angry with my ex-boyfriend. He tramples on people in a quest to satisfy his own needs for pleasure. I just can't quite ditch him. He has kind of promised that when he gets back he will be using his money to support a charity. I once described myself as a charity because if anyone wants to go out with me I can't be expected to pay my own way because I am not working. As it is I keep dipping into my meagre savings just to give us quality of life. I'm saving for a holiday for my kids and myself. I could put hope in my ex-boyfriend, that he means to employ me somehow so that we can see each other during the day and then on the weekends again when my ex-husband gets back, or I could not trust his statements, knowing how he lies, and surmise it is a tactic to keep me from straying while he is away, having sex and a holiday with my 'girlfriend'.
I told him before he left, that if she stays in his life I won't be in it. The problem will be knowing whether she is still in it when he says she isn't. He is just so good at manipulating people, with his malicious tongue, so to keep them from talking to others.
As I said, I like to be alone. What I don't like is being misunderstood and I don't like not being appreciated.
I'm a good mother. It's my full time job and my focus. My children will be successful because of my support. I take care of their needs. I focus on that so they might devote their efforts to school work, then university so that eventually they will earn big money and be able to give themselves whatever they need to be happy. Money helps. Good mothering underpins a childs ability to earn good money. They would hardly focus on their studies if someone didn't lovingly support them through it, because they don't understand why it is important to work so hard and stay single minded. It's only later when regrets or gratefulness come into a child's head, that a good upbringing or otherwise, is recognised.

Today I vacuumed my middle child's car while he is away. I ironed handkerchiefs, pillow cases and tea towels. I don't have any shirts to iron currently. No point when the shirt is hidden under a school jumper and blazer. Middle son only wears t-shirts and I don't bother ironing them. I will empty the vacuum cleaner, maybe mop the kitchen floor. Later I will collect youngest from school. When it's time for his swimming training I'll drop him early so as to get to the airport on time to collect middle son.
He has been away to a juggling convention in Melbourne and has visited eldest son who is studying there.
My children's father and his wife have gone to Europe for two months. Ex-boyfriend has gone to Europe for one month. Our holiday will be to Newcastle in NSW in December to visit my old Mum and attend a family reunion, for one week.

I need to cut up card today and make some cards from my artwork so the supply is ready once the winter season is over and tourists start coming to Perth again. It's hard getting the motivation. I'm weary of trying to be recognised. I go into competitions, make cards, package prints, make fridge magnets, all homemade, but good enough to be stocked by half a dozen shops. I had catalogues made of my main, large works and popular smaller prints. I spend, spend, spend, my efforts are not bringing money in, and centrlink are always badgering me to get a job.
They don't recognise my mothering, or my art. In their eyes, I need to do something they recognise as being legitimate so they don't have to pay me anything.
Good mothering and good art; both not recognised by society as being legitimate pursuits. This is a crying shame for all the neglected children in the world, and all the sensitive, yearning souls of artists clawing and crawling from one day to the next due to pouring their agony out and making it into something; a piece of art. Children and artists are disdainfully ignored in our society.