The TV

Hi! My sorry news today is that the gift of the new tv is not as wonderful as I had hoped because metal prongs have been wedged into and broken off the back portals where the video or game cube leads would connect into. So we can't use either of these. This tv is strictly for watching tv on. I may move it into my bedroom so I can listen music videos on a Saturday morning without getting out of bed I'll use the remote and tune into RAGE on the Abc. It means I'll need to tidy up my room; and about time too I say.
Today I exercised at the lake and saw three large waders, the type with long splayed toes, sturdy red beaks and metallic blue breast feathers chase the female across the grass, climb on her back and mate with her, one male, then another run and another mounting. Meanwhile bright lorikeet parrots feasted on gum blossums. Clumps of grey rain clouds scudded across the sky blotting out the patches of blue above the trees. I wore a raincoat and too many jumpers.
My mind today is weighed down by anxiety and fear of eventual doom. Sometimes I experience little glimpses of happiness despite my humble, self effacing routine of service to my children. On the whole though I am a creature governed by worry and fear, and preferring the quiet of my own company yet lonely and craving some understanding. With two children living at home still, I am not alone all day long. One child drives home from University, the other I pick up from school in my car. I'm pining, fretting and aching inside today.
Anyway, back to my story. It was decided that Nana would come to live with us. Mum and Dad moved to the other side of the kitchen, a garage area partitioned off for Sebastion. They were on the other side of his wall in the dark garage area. Nana had Mum and Dad's room to sleep in. My room was turned into a sitting room for Nana. It was painted bright yellow and furnished with thick, heavy arm chairs upholstered in ribbed velvet subdued floral. I loved the room. I slept in a single bed in Stephen's room on the other side of Mum and Dad's original bedroom. The cat slept with me often, and once I was caught with the cat asleep on my face. My and Dad shook me to see if I was alive but I pretended to be asleep until they went away. We had a baby dog so tiny it would yelp to be fed by its mother in the night. I had bought a plastic doll's bottle from the newagancy gift shop. I cut the top off it. Mum showed me how to warm milk by standing the bottle in warm water and it was my job to get up and feed the puppy which was housed in a play pen in the loungeroom. Nana stayed until Mum became hysterical with the worry of it then she was taken to another relative in Sydney and ended up in a rest home where she died eventually.
I remember Mum crying, sitting on the edge of her bed in our house in the Dandenong ranges. I wanted to comfort her but Dad told me to leave her be. So I wasn't allowed near her.